On Death...

Nobody living knows what truly lies beyond the veil of Death. Aside from our births (which presumably none remember), the one thing all of humanity has in common is that each of us will eventually live through the deaths of people we love. In this way, Death is the great equalizer.

We feel sad and scared around Death because it is the Great Unknown. The Bible reassures us and gives us some general ideas about it - but really focuses much more on how we should live than what precisely happens as/after we die. But perhaps it's just like so many other things in this world - where words just fail to do the reality of something any justice. We have enough trouble finding words to describe the physical world we live in... it would be relatively impossible to describe a Spiritual world that exists beyond our own. But again - our inability to grasp and understand the next step is what (I think) really makes us sad...

But like Pixar's "Inside Out" points out - Sadness isn't a bad emotion to embrace. It lets others know that we need them. It connects us in our pain and suffering. It draws empathy and compassion and unspoken feelings towards those we see going through difficult times. It reminds us not to take for granted the time we have - since nobody knows when a life will come to an end.

I am deeply saddened to have lost my sister. And until I get to speak with God directly, I will not get any answers as to why this was the amount of time measured for her life. I don't like the waiting. But I also know this sadness has a purpose, and for all of the ways it has drawn others back into my life - even for a brief moment - I am grateful. If the positions were reversed, and I was watching as Cynthia mourned my passing - it would be my hope that she would find strength in the love God placed around her and make the most of each day she has.

That is my hope still.

Who I Know Cynthia to be...

My sister Cynthia is an amazing person.

She loved everyone deeply and was not quick to judge. She made friends easily and laughed raucously! Cynthia was probably the silliest of all of us. She could keep up with the Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, and Anchorman references. She could always make my girls smile (and surprisingly even get them to finish their meals!)... 

Some of my most tender memories of Cynthia are from her becoming the caregiver to Grandma Laura. Laughing with Grandma, making jokes for her, teasing her, changing and feeding her, being her connection to family when others were absent. Cynthia loved and served in capacities no one else could match.

Cynthia was strong. Stronger than any of us. She lived through many abuses in her life, and overcame. She was challenged in classroom learning, but still made a career for herself through using her big heart and talent for caring. 

Cynthia always fought to defend her brothers. When one of us was in trouble growing up, got hurt, or was just sad, Cynthia would take up their cause, feel with and for them, and battle for them if there was injustice to stand up against. She always protected her family from threats and danger, and bore weights that no one else could handle.

It is a tragedy to have her beautiful life taken from this world. We will remember Cynthia always and also speak up to help others get out of abusive situations...

Signs of Love - Minor-Miracles along the way... (Day 3)

The day that I got the news about my sister's death...

I had headed to work only to arrive and discover that I'd run out of insulin pump supplies and would need to immediately head back home because my pump. I was frustrated by the inconvenience, of course... but that was because I didn't know that God was bringing me back so that I could be there for my family...

Jessica was out with her mom when she got the news. They'd already made plans for the girls to be with Ginger & Pat for the afternoon. This was a double blessing because 1) Jess needed the emotional support of her mother when she learned of Cynthia's death, and 2) we were going to need childcare in order to be with the family for the first intense wave...

Later, I let me work know about the passing of my sister- and that I would need bereavement time. Virtually everybody that I know reached out in support and my manager said to take off as much time as I need (even beyond policy for bereavement leave)... Then my coworker offered some crucial support.

Apparently my coworker was deputized and worked for the DA's office for 10 years. During that time she administered the Victim's of Violent Crime Relief fund. She offered to support me and help submit so that our claim could be escalated and approved right away...

I am touched.

Hebrews 13:2 Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. 

The Bible talks in many places about Angels... How they surround us, look out for us, and most commonly in the Bible try appear as Normal people (no wings or halos mentioned). I think God has surrounded us with a great cloud of love. Maybe the course of events that God allows to happen because of our free will is not going to change... But I think he also makes the most of every opportunity to move hearts and show his love. Sometimes you just have to stop and consider all that aligns and happens and the way it does.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything  else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  Romans 8:38-39

The Day After (yesterday I lost my sister)

All of the routines of normal life must go on for the living. We still get hungry and travel, go to the bathroom and have to think about work. We stop for a time to grieve, but the world goes on. It seems surreal, superficial, somehow shallow, unimportant, mundane. Why should I finish the meal when my sister just died!?  Little thoughts and memories set me to crying and if I face them too long I start sobbing. There is only so much crying one can do before headaches and dehydration force you to stop. I learned that yesterday. But then I ate, drank, rested, and now I cry some more...

1 Cor 15:26 says that "the last enemy to be destroyed is death" - referring to the time when God pulls the plug on this mortal cycle and brings about something new.

Romans 8:18-27 Easy-to-Read Version (ERV) We Will Have Glory in the Future
18 We have sufferings now, but these are nothing compared to the great glory that will be given to us. 19 Everything that God made is waiting with excitement for the time when he will show the world who his children are. The whole world wants very much for that to happen.20 Everything God made was allowed to become like something that cannot fulfill its purpose. That was not its choice, but God made it happen with this hope in view: 21 That the creation would be made free from ruin—that everything God made would have the same freedom and glory that belong to God’s children.
22 We know that everything God made has been waiting until now in pain like a woman ready to give birth to a child. 23 Not only the world, but we also have been waiting with pain inside us. We have the Spirit as the first part of God’s promise. So we are waiting for God to finish making us his own children. I mean we are waiting for our bodies to be made free.24 We were saved to have this hope. If we can see what we are waiting for, that is not really hope. People don’t hope for something they already have. 25 But we are hoping for something we don’t have yet, and we are waiting for it patiently.
26 Also, the Spirit helps us. We are very weak, but the Spirit helps us with our weakness. We don’t know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit himself speaks to God for us. He begs God for us, speaking to him with feelings too deep for words. 27 God already knows our deepest thoughts. And he understands what the Spirit is saying, because the Spirit speaks for his people in the way that agrees with what God wants.

Scriptures that others have sent to me...

Hebrews 13:6 AMP
So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm I will not fear or dread or be terrified.

Hebrews 6:10-11 AMP
For God is not unrighteous to forget or overlook your labor and the love which you have shown for His name's sake in ministering to the needs of the saints (His own consecrated people), as you still do. [11] But we do strongly and earnestly desire for each of you to show the same diligence and sincerity all the way through in realizing and enjoying the full assurance and development of your hope until the end,

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Ecclesiastes 7:1-4, 13-14 NLT / MSG
A good reputation is more valuable than costly perfume. And the day you die is better than the day you are born. Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties. After all, everyone dies— so the living should take this to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. A wise person thinks a lot about death, while a fool thinks only about having a good time. Accept the way God does things, for who can straighten what he has made crooked? Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life.

A good reputation is better than a fat bank account. Your death date tells more than your birth date. You learn more at a funeral than at a feast— After all, that’s where we’ll end up. We might discover something from it. Crying is better than laughing. It blotches the face but it scours the heart. Endings are better than beginnings. Sticking to it is better than standing out. Take a good look at God’s work. Who could simplify and reduce Creation’s curves and angles To a plain straight line? On a good day, enjoy yourself; On a bad day, examine your conscience. God arranges for both kinds of days So that we won’t take anything for granted.

Hebrews 10:32 (NIV) [32] Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. [33] Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. [34] You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. [35] So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. [36] You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. [37] For in just a very little while, “He who is coming will come and will not delay. [38] But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.” [39] But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.

Today I lost my sister...

May 2nd 2016

Today my sister Cynthia was killed. Her ex-boyfriend had been tracking her and confronted her. He shot the shop-keep first then shot her as well.

Where is God when tragedy strikes?

He is there grieving. He HATES our sin and all the pain it causes. But He gave us free will in order that we might experience love... and Love always has to be a choice. I believe he couldn't destroy pain in the world without removing all the free-agents that cause it - all mankind...

Genesis 6:5-6 Amplified Bible (AMP)5 The Lord saw that the wickedness (depravity) of man was great on the earth, and that every imagination or intent of the thoughts of his heart were only evil continually. 6 The Lord regretted that He had made mankind on the earth, and He was [deeply] grieved in His heart.

John 11:32-37 Amplified Bible (AMP)32 When Mary came [to the place] where Jesus was and saw Him, she fell at His feet, saying to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.” 33 When Jesus saw her sobbing, and the Jews who had come with her also sobbing, He was deeply moved in spirit [to the point of anger at the sorrow caused by death] and was troubled, 34 and said, “Where have you laid him?” They said, “Lord, come and see.”35 Jesus wept. 36 So the Jews were saying, “See how He loved him [as a close friend]!” 37 But some of them said, “Could not this Man, who opened the blind man’s eyes, have kept this man from dying?”

2 Peter 3:8-9 New Living Translation (NLT)8 But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. 9 The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.

James 4:14-15 New Living Translation (NLT)14 How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. 15 What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.”

Ephesians 5:15-17 Amplified Bible (AMP)15 Therefore see that you walk carefully [living life with honor, purpose, and courage; shunning those who tolerate and enable evil], not as the unwise, but as wise [sensible, intelligent, discerning people], 16 making the very most of your time [on earth, recognizing and taking advantage of each opportunity and using it with wisdom and diligence], because the days are [filled with] evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish and thoughtless, but understand and firmly grasp what the will of the Lord is.

I will miss my sister for the rest of my life. She was a woman who lived to love and serve. Cynthia devoted herself to caring for others, first showing this amazing capacity by caring for our Grandma Laura after she'd suffered a stroke - and then making that into a profession.

Cynthia was quick to laugh, protective of her loves, and stronger than any of us... having endured hardships that would destroy others - she was strong and brave and ambitious and optimistic. Nobody is perfect, but truly it's the struggle that defines us, and shows who we really are in this life. Cynthia faced the struggle but kept fighting to seize each day.

I love you, my sister.

God's Plans are Good

Jeremiah 29:11-13New International Version (NIV)11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."


Growing up, I was always aware of my disease, cystic fibrosis. I was aware because I had to do aerosol treatments, take enzymes, get beat, and eat like there was no tomorrow. I was aware that it is a deadly disorder that kills many. I recall hearing of life expectancy rates for kids with CF and being told (if not understanding implicitly) that I might not live to see my teenage years... and when I was a teenager - that I might not make it out of the teens... the same for my twenties, etc...


I believe that God's plans are good, and he has already determined how long I shall live. He wants me to make the most of whatever time I have (short or long). Making the most of my time, to me, means building something positive that will be left behind and be remembered - rather than a string of negative things that people wish to forget.


As I write this, I am in my 29th year of life. I never expected to live this long, as nothing of the sort is promised - but I am grateful for each day, because each is a gift!

Getting Started...

I've been meaning to start a project wherein I would record a personal history of the various miracles, thoughts, reasons, etc - that motivate my belief in God. I am admittedly at a point in my relationship with God where I find my heart detached; and not helping anybody through Bible-studies (for a while now) has left my mind dull too. But I want that to change. I want to be sharp and I want to be connected. The starting of something is always easier than the finishing... but the nice thing with a Blog is that it never has to be finished!